This is gonna read like a recipe site where I tell you my life story and then eventually get to the actual recipe. On top of that I’m by no means a writer. So the TL;DR is I’m working on myself by making a game in 2026. Click Here to go to “The Recipe” which is only a few paragraphs at the end.
A Bit About Me
I feel like this post should start with “Dear Future Me,”
I have a vague memory of putting together a board game with random odds and ends that I could find around the house. I don’t remember the rules or when exactly this took place, but I remember I was too young for how ambitious the project was. Maybe I played one session of the actual game with a friend to test it out.
All that to say, I’ve really always been a game designer in one way or another. However…
At this time, around the age of 37, I have a w(h)opping 2 games publicly available and they’re game jam games made in 2 weeks. So really only a game designer in spirit. That hasn’t stopped me from continuing to design and create and draw and learn, picking up new skills just to see if something would work. Though, I’m by no means prolific even in my hobby projects and curiosities.
I’m a guy with a lot of passion for games, not a lot of follow through.
Motivations & Following What You Think Are Your Dreams
Around October 2025 I was sitting at my computer trying to convince myself to work on a drawing; The usual struggle for a creative person with a lack of discipline such as myself. I’m deliberating, negotiating, trying to psych myself up, and I come to this thought:
“I want to do this.
Arguably, this is the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do with my life; Drawing, animating, being creative, making games. And if that’s the case, if I day dream about doing this all day at work, if I think of myself as the kind of person that does these things, then why do I struggle to actually do them on a regular basis to any meaningful capacity.”
It’s by no means a major revelation, but for me it was enough to re-frame the problem. What stops me from working on personal projects?
There are the usual issue that many deal with: I have a day job and I’m tired after work, maybe I don’t even have the time at all, and maybe I can just put it off ’til tomorrow because there are new episode I want to watch. These have their own solutions that I’m going to skip for now (It’s discipline, I need more discipline.), because I’m selfish and want to talk about the more personal problems. Like the fact ‘I want everything I make to be good’, and my mental health.
On the spectrum of perfectionist, I would think I’m on the lower end. But in addressing this creative block that keeps me from my personal projects, I find the expectation of making something “Good” looms large. I put off projects because they seem like they’ll take forever to get right. “I don’t have the time to work on this tonight, ’cause it’ll take 4 hours.” I want every project to be a “Wow, that’s so awesome, I can’t believe I made that!” project.
If you’re a creative person yourself, you may be thinking:
In terms of mental health: I’ll spare you the details and/or sad stories of feeling bad about myself, but it’s mild to moderate according to the clinicians I’ve talked to in the past. Anxiety, depression, and ADHD are terms that have been used but I’ve never put forth enough effort to do more than a few weeks of therapy sessions and mindfulness practice. Which is good! I don’t have to take medication and nothing so terrible as to greatly affect my job or personal relationships, but still an effect.
I like to think of it as not enough to be a problem, but then again in re-framing why I struggle with doing what I love, it does come up. So it gets a mention.
The third and not yet mentioned struggle in following my passions lies in considering what about these creative processes do I love. Am I here to do the work because its fun? Am I doing it because I want the thing to exist for me? Or am I making something for the positive attention from others? As someone who likes attention, but also has hundreds of unfinished projects that no one will ever see, I don’t think it is any one reason alone.
Why Am I Babbling?
I decided around December 2025 that I should have an actual published game and officially made it my new year’s resolution. But to accomplish this I’ll need to work on everything else that has stopped me so far.
- Lack of Discipline
- Perfectionism
- Mental Health
- Reasoning
To that effect the goal for this new year’s resolution, is that by 2027 I have a game available on Steam. With the following set of rules.
- It doesn’t need to be finished, but it does need to have at least a playable demo. (With intent of finishing.)
- It doesn’t need to be perfect or a best seller or even have good reviews. It just needs to exist and be something I put my all into.
- In the process, my reasoning for working on the game MUST be because I love to create. I will share with people and post about my process, but I make for myself not for others.
- I MUST work on having my work reviewed, and get better accepting, understanding, and processing the feedback. Including writing my thoughts on the project in the process. (Here we are.)
- I MUST work on integrating game development and general creative thought processes more into my daily life, including podcasts, books, videos, etc. from people in the industry; from indie to AAA; board games to VR.
- I MUST actively take steps to work on my mental health on the side. Not simply so I can be better at making fun things, but better as a person overall.
In the end, I expect that I’ll have a game. It may be a little rough around the edges, but I will be proud of it and can continue to think of myself as a game designer, with the hope of doing bigger and better things tomorrow. To be fair, I’ll still think of myself that way without a game but maybe this will convince others to agree with me.
Talk About The Game Already
Its NINJA Steve!
A man who knows nothing about ninjas (Steve) and an AI that was trained in combat with old campy action movies (Neural Integrated Non-standard Justice Actuator), meet in a scientific study run by incompetent interns that were given too much responsibility. After a “mostly reversible” surgery to join them together, they each find their own reason to escape the presumably evil BBEG Corp. NINJA wants to avenge/save his family/mentor/brother/lover/dojo or whatever cliched backstory he gives at any given moment. Steve wants to retrieve his sandwich from the break-room fridge and get back to his TheyTube videos.
Will NINJA get his revenge from the martial-ocracy that presumably wronged him? Will Steve ever learn that a ninja is not a type of cryptid? Will the interns find a way to word their report so that it doesn’t look like the resulting chaos was their fault? Find out in this fast-paced, action-adventure, 2D precision platformer.
This game will be a Super Meat Boy-esque, precision platformer. You can follow along with the updates and development on the game page here.
About the Process So Far
The main goal of this first month has been a first draft the Game Design Doc (GDD). I’ve been working on documenting my thought process by writing a few docs for other games before, and although I’m by no means good at it, the practice has really paid off in helping me to scope the size of a project. I’m not as far along as I would hope, but I am at a good place to start on the next phase of the project; Prototyping.
While nothing about the project is going to be particularly innovative, I do have a few additions I personally haven’t played with before. The main one being the grappling hook mechanic. How that will incorporate into the movement, wall jump, double jumps, and attacks is where this prototyping will focus.
Per the GDD, one of the design pillars is Reactivity/Feedback. By that I intend for the controls to feel tight and satisfying. In projects I’ve done similarly in the past I find the controls to be a particular struggle to make feel “Not Clunky.” Let alone satisfying. So the following month will be crucial for the remainder of the project.
If the prototype doesn’t feel fun to play, then I’ll be delayed at best. But per the requirement of the project, it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to exist. When it’s done, I’ll be proud of it either way.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. Track the game’s page for more about NINJA Steve, and I’ll see you in the next dev log.